For folks wondering why I wasn't on AIM tonight, I needed a bit of time to myself.

I'm an optimist when it comes to my family yanno?

Which is why I'm hoping tomorrow's the day my dad will just pause, stop to think, suck up his pride. It's never a pretty place when Mom and Dad are yelling at each other, Dad has talk of moving out, and stress is making the poor baby sister break out. I think tomorrow shall be the make or break point.

And yeah, that's the sound of my head hitting my desk for good measure.

...*sighs*

Yeah, so times are rough again at the Oler house. Its hard to believe this all started really over a can of soda. Yeah, or rather half a bottle to be technical. *shakes head* You see, my Father came home to find one of his soda bottles, half drank by the counter. Immediately he blames the other person home at the time, who happened to be my baby sister.

The two have never gotten along very well, mainly because she is a LOT like my mom. And whole mom and dad have always been an odd couple, well anyways, you get the picture. Anyways, I come to get a call with my baby sister all upset, because apparently my dad called her a BITCH.

There are a few things one must understand about my household. We have our disagreements, we have our tiffs, we tease as all families do. But our parents have NEVER called us bad names. EVER. It is simply not done, just as we return the same respect to them.

As the oldest, I tend to play the role of Switzerland, the neutral party. I confront my dad about the incident, knowing I am perhaps the only one who can. I told him to apologize, start making things right. He told me he doesn't see any reason he should apologize, that she WAS being one, and that he would not apologize. Mom sees the remark as having done as much damage as if he had told to go 'fuck off and die.' ((Excuse my french, I may be a slight pissed. o.o))

It doesn't help my dad's current job isn't giving the hours and right now I make more than he does. As a Wal-mart cashier.

It doesn't help right now I wish to tell my store a few rather nasty things.

There is a funk upon the Oler household folks. A FUNK. And for the last few days we have all been scattered at night when he comes home, things looming but no conflict as per Mom's wishes. ((Mom is dealing with grandma in the hospital currently after all...))

As for me? I am the oldest and therefore very protective of my siblings. I'm pissed off as well and thankfully my control is the only reason I have not flown off the handle yet. Everyone else has taken turns, sometimes I'm tempted.

For now I listen to Video Game Remixes, and play cute little number games to distract myself. Whatever it takes not to think upon the matter.

...Baby kittens help this a lot too.

I guess some personal ramblings are in order, since I have not done so in a time.

You know, it's funny how one small incident, or perhaps a large one really, can turn ones world upside down. Or rather, tehir perception of it. It's been over a year now since I had my car accident really. One wonders, do you ever really get over such things. Do you ever stop thinking twice about THAT intersection, ever stop getting that sinking feeling if a car tried to cut in front of you? I don't even remember about half of the incident at all.

But what really stands out for me is that, other than folks online, I had nobody but my family. My family means the world to me, they are Kin. Unbreakable bonds. But even with them, sometimes I feel lonely. Really... really lonely.

I try to talk with folks my own age at work you know? But the truth is, I cannot relate to any of them completely. People my age around here they either, smoke, they drink, they party, or they are highly religious. I refuse to go to church just for the 'social connections.' I try to start a conversation but it always falls flat because I really cannot relate. I've never been drunk in my life, never even smoked a cig. Have no desire to either.

I guess what I'm trying to say here is that it's like my sib says... somehow, I'm different from everyone else. I don't think about sex or even getting kissed really. One minute I can be like a big kid, the next a quiet, listening adult. I'm considered the most mature, and yet can be the most immature. I value my muses, I value those I meet drawing.

But there are times when I really wish I wasn't me either. I look up to the big tough talking muses, the one's not afraid to speak their mind or throw a punch. I kinda wish I was like that. I know being honest is a good thing, being truthful, being loyal, giving a listening ear, thinking things through, giving money to other... I know these are good things. But sometimes, I really wish I wasn't me. Sometimes, I really hate those traits. I want to be the badass.

But I digress.

I guess I feel like apart from those online, and my family, nobody knows he real me fully. Nobody knows just how much I love animals, or drawing, or roleplaying, or how I see the world. Nobody knows how I think, my sense of humor, or the fact that sometimes okay doesn't mean okay. I guess that's where the lonely aspect starts coming in from.

I really do not know how to remedy this.

I guess its partially because I don't know myself fully either. I still have no real chosen path of faith, although I consider myself spiritual. I kind of crave a method of expression, to spirits or powers that be, although I have no idea where to start. I need to meditate again, but I'm always afraid of what I will find.

I look and say damn girl, you're 27 and you still have no idea? Nobodys gonna tell you.

But... yes. These are a few of the things weighing me down lately, I guess its better to vent no?

Heyas! I know I know, I haven't updated this sucker in forever. Ive been slightly depressive and y'all know how I hate dragging folks down into the muck. Even though I should vent a bit more.

Er, anyways, currently killing time. Grandma's in for her second stomach surgery. For those who dont read my sibs journal shes been battling stomach cancer for quite some time now, and today it was discovered undigested food was coming from her abdomen again through the open wound.

Soooo... we wait. And hope. Cause yanno, I like Grandma, shes always been cool.

Yeeeep, my two week vacation is in NINE DAYS!

YESH!

*coughs* You guys have no idea how much I am looking forward to this. Well, maybe some of ya do. I need it. Most of the time I'll be lounding but a few days of that I shall be spending in Myrtle Beach.

Apparently I have 750$ in stock funds I can pull for this trip, plus payday is right beforehand. Realistically, I could have 1000$ for vacation. O.o So... pull it all and splurge? Save some and be reasonable? or go HOT DAMN IM GOIN TO BERMUDA! Oh wait folks get lost there... :3

But yes, happy Sten is happy Sten.

Ill be out until... Friday I believe due to the usual internet issues. I might try tomorrow to bring my laptop with me but iff Im out tonight and tomorrow you'll know why. Take care folks, pass it on if you need to! *Waves*

Yeeeep, Im 27 today. WOOT. And I finally finished coloring a picture Id been working on for awhile. Woot to that too.

Its short because Im on my laptop.

And boy oh boy, why must breeding pet sites be so darn addictive? Also anyone know of a good roleplaying forum perhaps? Ive been leaning away from RPA a lot lately and I... my muses are driving me NUTS!

I meant to type this one up the other day, but there are times at walmart when one feels like just hitting their head against their register. Case in point, y'all know my first name's Kristen right? Also, that I live deep in the bible belt? So there's the set up.

Customer: Ah! So are you a Kristen, or a Christian?
Me: Well I...
Customer: Doesn't sound like it to me...
Me: Well not really Sir, No...
Customer: Ah, well then I shall just have to pray for your soul tonight!

And I swear to God the guy behind him looked like I had just admitted I eat babies. ((Which I don't, unless you count baby potatoes :P))

*sighs* Shame I dont really claim a religion yet, Im still looking, browsing and whatnot. Its a hard task. See in my house I remember well my mom getting a daycare job at the Nazarene church. As such, I had a lot of good memories there and habits ingrained. I still make exclamations about god or jesus, although I dont see things in such a way. I still say the word heathens, I still use phrases that should be out by now. ><;

I should have been a sarcastic lil buggar and tell him well I believe in God but I also believe in spirits, Immortals, Elements, Magic, Reincarnation... yeah. Thank you Mister Customer for what had to be one of the most uncomfortable two minutes of my life.

Yanno, karma really is awesmome. So on one of the newer webcomics I read, Luna, the guy could not access his paypal account and was opening avatar commissions for five bucks. I said sure, why not? I love avatars after all!

Imagine my surprise when this ended up in my email:

( Fluffy and squees reside behind this. )

Haha, holy crap why didn't anyone tell me ABC's gonna be making a miniseries off of Fables?

Sweeet.

Okay, potentially. Oh God don't screw it up. Seriously. You make Bigby into a pansy and I swear I'll drive to ABC headquarters and kick someone where it hurts.

If you have no clue what Fables is, it is a seriously awesome, addiciting, american comic book series. Let's put it this way, I've bought 10 out of 11 volumes already. GO READ IT!

Sadly this means Im almost up to date, but gives me an excuse to start finishing up my Sandman collection again.

Yes I am a closet comic book geek. *Facepalms* But it really is good stuff, give it a try.

...No roles have been cast sadly for the miniseries, but I am definitely going to keep an eye on this one.

I HAS A BABY KITTEN!

Ahem... er... I mean I have a lovely baby kitten, orange tabby with white belly and toes, and she is PRECIOUS! For all who don't know, I have almost always wanted a orange kitty, at least... what, a decade now?

Apparently everyone knew but me :P Wondered why mom was bringing me to aunt jill's house.

Anyways, shes so smart already... I just havent a clue as what to name her yet! I was thinking Rose or Leona, but I might perhaps give her a guy's name like Max or Chessy. Something nice and simple ;)

*Squees*

Kittens = Instant cure for depression. :3

Shes so CUTE!

Ill bring pics soon, promise.

Hail. In South Carolina, middle of June. WHAT THE HECK?!?

Poor JoJo, my dog, is all freaked out. x-x;

So I stepped down as a mod for RPA today. To be honest, it just never seemed to be enough all I did. They had a habit of putting advertising over actual community support and what all they had. Its like everyone else thought I was doing good, but the boss. Heh.

Anyways, I figured all I wanted to do was help the community. I did not sign up to be an advertiser. *Shrugs* And while Ill miss being help out and I doubt Ill be around as much anymore, well, I also think its for the best. Definitely for the best.

Plus the boss... he was a tyrant much as I hate to say it. Like, dropping folks with little notice. Always making you feel like the bad guy, that he waas doing everything and you were not doing enough even though I knew that wasnt true. Should have been a key indicator when I saw many really good mods come and go. Well, Im stubborn, so I hung in there perhaps longer than I should have. Back to regular ol Nona for me.

Hey, I gave it my best you know. Still, I feel kinda like a quitter for putting in my resignation. I guess thats just in the genes.

Oh man... Hetalia is my new crack. x-x If you've never heard of it, its basically where countries are given bishy personifications and the crack that follows. Oh delicious crack... *hums*

Now then, to remind myself to catch up on important things tonight.

Sooooo... sib and the guys at work have me wondering if perhaps I should join. My new laptop makes it a possibility Im pretty certain to play. Im just afraid Id have like no life left afterwards, since I know how I am with games. *chuckles*

And yes, this is another pointless entry to let folks know Im around. :3

So, I now have a shineh new laptop to uggle and love on and call my own. I'll be using it for portability, the desktop still my nightly computer. I name the laptop... CHOMPY! So its Comp and Chompy. *chuckles*

Also finally picked up my kickass ouroboros ring today. But I may have sized it a slight too big... ooops.

OH! Saw the new Star Trek movie. Gotta say folks, Im not even a trekkie and it was seriously kickass! A bit over the top at the beginning but they did put a lot of love into the movie. The graphics are stellar, the charries funny and memorable, and some of the best lines I'd seen in some time. Plus a few surprises I won't spoil. :P

Heh, Tresh was right. Mom did really love those pans. Yanno, sometimes it really is worth it so splurge a bit more for your folks. I swear, she went right back to dad and was like 'Guess what your kids bought me?' All beaming and happy.

That makes me happy.

OH! Haha, speaking spreading teh happeh, apparently next week's paycheck is gonna have a myshare bonus of 300 bucks on it. Granted taxes take a good chink but it still makes the paycheck over 700.

Hot damn I'm going to Bermuda.

Just kidding. But seriously... good to know. Sib! If ya see this go check it out! :P

Yes, random post. Off to bed I go, knew I should not have drank that second soda. x-x;

Got art to do tomorrow. Namely wolfie art. :3

Got things to post tomorrow at EB... hope Jett's doing okay, haven't gotten to talk to her in a few days.

Right. Ill stop rambling. Take care folks!

So, I suppose I should start off with the lil things that went okay. Had a nice relaxing day off. I made my way about town today without getting lost, so Im proud of that! Picked up some awesome books, and well, got to kick back a bit.

Drama, however, is always looming. I've been asked to make an LJ account for RPA to be used for advertising purposes... because the last one they made got banned for said reason. I'm prolly gonna turn it down, simply because I don't want to put my own journal at risk too. I love the people there and all but sometimes I wonder if I really wanna stay these days.

Iwaku, meanwhile, Im having a blast at. Its a slow moving forum but very friendly.

Ive been lurking here, I know. Partially because I haven't told anyone yet but mom goes in for surgery to her nose on Thursday. She has surgery on both her hands after, but those have not been scheduled yet. Dad needs to have a hernia operation, but not yet.

Eh, and thats a brief summary so I dont feel like Ive abandoned this thing. Still killing time on wajas too, and EB of course. Take care guys. *nods*

Oh boy.

So, I log onto the forum I moderate today, RPA, to find the admin has made an announcement. Nothing new surely. But this one was different. He was posting about the reason he had to drop his pet project there, had to stay off a few days, had to take a vacation, was that in three days the forums would be closing due to complaints logged against them for his recruitment tactics. Like, completely. He promised the staff was hard at work moving the forums and whatnot, and all emails had been backed up.

I was thrown, for about, two minutes, until I saw the date such a change would land on.

Of course: April's Fools.

Of course he didn't tell the staff it was but... oy. And folks are taking it seriously, and... its going to be messy. One of those times I wish I wasn't a mod! He made it sound pretty darn convincing as well! Oh Gabe, what have ya done now? ><;

*Prepares protective wall of socks*

Am I just that much of an old stick in the mud?

Why does the fact that David said he was stoned bother me so much?

I mean I grew up in school with this kid. Well, since 7 or 8th grade. Hell, I have senior pics with him beside my desk. ((Thats kinda depressing to look at o.o)) He's the smartest guy I know, who does geocaching for fun.

...

I guess we all have our fallacies. But still, it bothers me just the same. More than half our town are stoners, I should be used to it. But David being one too?

... That ain't right man.