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01 February 2010 @ 12:40 am
I took a nap the other day and dreamed my sib was here. She told me "Don't worry, I'll get the laundry," as I blinked. I was about to tell her not to worry about it, that I was just glad to see her, when she I woke up in my chair.

... *sighs*

I really do miss her yanno?
27 January 2010 @ 02:46 am
Its been awhile, I know. Lots of changes I guess, in case folks have been wondering what is up. I should start with the biggest one I guess eh? My middle sister, Tresh, decided to stay In Pennsylvania to live with her boyfriend. I wish her the best, I really do. They've been dating for two years, met three times... and I do hope it works.

Just know that folks always ask for ya sib at work. o.o Maybe send them some sort of spiffy letter, a video even?

Anyways, is rather odd not having the sibby around. We figured she'd come back, but thats how things roll. Its a hard adjustment, on one hand. Shes the first to leave the nest as it were after all! Shame though, the call always comes when Im at work. Im like DAMMIT. As for not calling her... I dont know the new number at all, and folks kept saying that the cell attached to our plan isnt used at all anymore.

Well, anyways, sib is happy and thats what counts.

Its just a rather large adjustment.

I replaced my old entertainment stand and television... although sadly now its begging for a new system. *laughs* Still, its a nice change, makes the room look a lot fresher.

Hmmm... lost my train of thought. Anyways, be well sib. You should hop onto AIm or something some night, Im usually on somewhere. Take care of yourself and know that mom's well... adjusting. She'll be alright too.
13 January 2010 @ 12:39 am
Seto: The Worm and the Snake

Long before my tribe even existed, there was the Planet and the smaller creatures which graced it. Mankind had not appeared just yet, and much of the land was overgrown. But the animals could hear the Planet, converse freely with it, Sing with it. There was however, a debate amongst some of the animals. A rather silly debate, but to the two it involved a rather large one.

Snake insisted he was the most devout follower of the Planet. In fact, he proclaimed it each and every night from the highest place he could find, in the hopes the Planet would reply. One day, a young one named Worm heard his boasts and stopped.

"But we all love the planet Snake. Why do you say you love it more?"

"I have given up my limbs to be closer to her!" Worm looked towards her own body.

"I have no limbs either," she said softly.

"I have willed my scales to match the green of her Lifestream!"

"...Well, I am the color of her newly birthed lifeforms," she replied, still calm. "You are not better than any of us," Worm insisted. "The Planet loves us all." Snake hissed with irritation, and in one large swallow took poor Worm into his gut whole.

"Now none can deny my claim. I am the most devout follower!" He insisted, but as he spoke these words he heard the Planet for the first time in his existence.

"There is one other, whose belief is stronger than your own..."

"Who? I demand to know who!" Snake cried, outraged.

"The one who gave up everything for her beliefs: Worm..." came the simple reply. And that was the last time Snake ever heard the Planet's voice.
13 January 2010 @ 12:11 am
Seto: Of Fire and Fleas

There are many legends passed down from my people throughout the ages. Quite a few of them are forgotten, but many more are remembered and shared in our most sacred place: the Cosmic Candle. But how many of you know about the fire's origins. You know WHY it burns, but perhaps not how it was started? The answer is very simple really.

Back in a time before my own, there were quite a few of my kind. Dozens, naturally. But there was one that was rather well known throughout the village... and sadly it was not for his warrior skills. His name was Buckskin, a light tan fellow with dark black muzzle and tips. His hair was said to be the color of dust, his teeth to match. He was a fellow not associated with often, nor looked upon for advice. In fact, many would just as soon avoid him altogether, for he was covered with ticks and fleas.

This was in the very early ages of our tribe, when the Lady of the Moon had yet to grace us and the Son of the Sun had not shown either. Buckskin's own fire was a very dim one, for the lad was young, and he lacked courage, endurance. But he held a loving heart, and despite the way he was treated cared deeply for those around him. There came a day however when a traveler brought with him an attack of a very different kind to Cosmo Canyon. Small white bugs infested my People, bugs that bit and burned. Buckskin, who often had to walk alone, was the sole member not affected by the terrible outbreak. But he did not laugh, nor did he mock as the others had so often done to him. Instead, he called out to them.

"Brothers! Sisters! I have an idea but we all must work together!" he cried. Desperate for anything, the others listened, and then watched as Buckskin gathered wood and placed them upon a massive flat stone. One at a time, they each walked up to the wood and set their tails upon it, each adding their own spark. When he added his at last, the fire was raging bright. Everyone had worked together, and created a fire that reflected each and every last one of them. The warmth of the fire was so strong the white bus dropped off, and even Buckskin himself was cleared. The name, however, was no longer fitting.

Grateful, as a whole the tribe proclaimed him as Fireheart: He Who Brought All Into One. And it was he who was proclaimed to be the new leader of the tribe.

So you see, there are many variations to the origins of the Candle, and I tell but one here. But, in my mind, I'd like to think it was the correct one. After all, Fireheart is my great-great-great grandfather.
31 December 2009 @ 03:46 am
Heyas, long time no see eh?

...New year, new decade... new fursona I believe. Ive been secretly doodling her for a time now. *nods*

I miss seeing my friends on AIM. I wonder where everyone is?

Works been hard but I keep going.

Aywas is my new time stealer. Petsites... gotta love them.

WE GOT A WII. Its a blast, seriously.

Im pondering re-doing my whole room instead of a vacation this year.

Disjointed entry but Im lazeh, perhaps a better one later? Just want to show folks I suppose Im still about. *chuckles* Take care!
01 November 2009 @ 02:22 am
For folks wondering why I wasn't on AIM tonight, I needed a bit of time to myself.

I'm an optimist when it comes to my family yanno?

Which is why I'm hoping tomorrow's the day my dad will just pause, stop to think, suck up his pride. It's never a pretty place when Mom and Dad are yelling at each other, Dad has talk of moving out, and stress is making the poor baby sister break out. I think tomorrow shall be the make or break point.

And yeah, that's the sound of my head hitting my desk for good measure.
28 October 2009 @ 08:46 pm

Yeah, so times are rough again at the Oler house. Its hard to believe this all started really over a can of soda. Yeah, or rather half a bottle to be technical. *shakes head* You see, my Father came home to find one of his soda bottles, half drank by the counter. Immediately he blames the other person home at the time, who happened to be my baby sister.

The two have never gotten along very well, mainly because she is a LOT like my mom. And whole mom and dad have always been an odd couple, well anyways, you get the picture. Anyways, I come to get a call with my baby sister all upset, because apparently my dad called her a BITCH.

There are a few things one must understand about my household. We have our disagreements, we have our tiffs, we tease as all families do. But our parents have NEVER called us bad names. EVER. It is simply not done, just as we return the same respect to them.

As the oldest, I tend to play the role of Switzerland, the neutral party. I confront my dad about the incident, knowing I am perhaps the only one who can. I told him to apologize, start making things right. He told me he doesn't see any reason he should apologize, that she WAS being one, and that he would not apologize. Mom sees the remark as having done as much damage as if he had told to go 'fuck off and die.' ((Excuse my french, I may be a slight pissed. o.o))

It doesn't help my dad's current job isn't giving the hours and right now I make more than he does. As a Wal-mart cashier.

It doesn't help right now I wish to tell my store a few rather nasty things.

There is a funk upon the Oler household folks. A FUNK. And for the last few days we have all been scattered at night when he comes home, things looming but no conflict as per Mom's wishes. ((Mom is dealing with grandma in the hospital currently after all...))

As for me? I am the oldest and therefore very protective of my siblings. I'm pissed off as well and thankfully my control is the only reason I have not flown off the handle yet. Everyone else has taken turns, sometimes I'm tempted.

For now I listen to Video Game Remixes, and play cute little number games to distract myself. Whatever it takes not to think upon the matter.

...Baby kittens help this a lot too.
22 October 2009 @ 02:01 am
I guess some personal ramblings are in order, since I have not done so in a time.

You know, it's funny how one small incident, or perhaps a large one really, can turn ones world upside down. Or rather, tehir perception of it. It's been over a year now since I had my car accident really. One wonders, do you ever really get over such things. Do you ever stop thinking twice about THAT intersection, ever stop getting that sinking feeling if a car tried to cut in front of you? I don't even remember about half of the incident at all.

But what really stands out for me is that, other than folks online, I had nobody but my family. My family means the world to me, they are Kin. Unbreakable bonds. But even with them, sometimes I feel lonely. Really... really lonely.

I try to talk with folks my own age at work you know? But the truth is, I cannot relate to any of them completely. People my age around here they either, smoke, they drink, they party, or they are highly religious. I refuse to go to church just for the 'social connections.' I try to start a conversation but it always falls flat because I really cannot relate. I've never been drunk in my life, never even smoked a cig. Have no desire to either.

I guess what I'm trying to say here is that it's like my sib says... somehow, I'm different from everyone else. I don't think about sex or even getting kissed really. One minute I can be like a big kid, the next a quiet, listening adult. I'm considered the most mature, and yet can be the most immature. I value my muses, I value those I meet drawing.

But there are times when I really wish I wasn't me either. I look up to the big tough talking muses, the one's not afraid to speak their mind or throw a punch. I kinda wish I was like that. I know being honest is a good thing, being truthful, being loyal, giving a listening ear, thinking things through, giving money to other... I know these are good things. But sometimes, I really wish I wasn't me. Sometimes, I really hate those traits. I want to be the badass.

But I digress.

I guess I feel like apart from those online, and my family, nobody knows he real me fully. Nobody knows just how much I love animals, or drawing, or roleplaying, or how I see the world. Nobody knows how I think, my sense of humor, or the fact that sometimes okay doesn't mean okay. I guess that's where the lonely aspect starts coming in from.

I really do not know how to remedy this.

I guess its partially because I don't know myself fully either. I still have no real chosen path of faith, although I consider myself spiritual. I kind of crave a method of expression, to spirits or powers that be, although I have no idea where to start. I need to meditate again, but I'm always afraid of what I will find.

I look and say damn girl, you're 27 and you still have no idea? Nobodys gonna tell you.

But... yes. These are a few of the things weighing me down lately, I guess its better to vent no?
21 October 2009 @ 03:31 pm
Heyas! I know I know, I haven't updated this sucker in forever. Ive been slightly depressive and y'all know how I hate dragging folks down into the muck. Even though I should vent a bit more.

Er, anyways, currently killing time. Grandma's in for her second stomach surgery. For those who dont read my sibs journal shes been battling stomach cancer for quite some time now, and today it was discovered undigested food was coming from her abdomen again through the open wound.

Soooo... we wait. And hope. Cause yanno, I like Grandma, shes always been cool.
03 September 2009 @ 02:09 am
Yeeeep, my two week vacation is in NINE DAYS!


*coughs* You guys have no idea how much I am looking forward to this. Well, maybe some of ya do. I need it. Most of the time I'll be lounding but a few days of that I shall be spending in Myrtle Beach.

Apparently I have 750$ in stock funds I can pull for this trip, plus payday is right beforehand. Realistically, I could have 1000$ for vacation. O.o So... pull it all and splurge? Save some and be reasonable? or go HOT DAMN IM GOIN TO BERMUDA! Oh wait folks get lost there... :3

But yes, happy Sten is happy Sten.